Horoscopes- do you believe?

So - today I find out that my Man Flu -is actually acute bronchitis! Take great delight in telling Mr Frazzled and also waving my sicknote in front of his face - b r o n c h i t i s - roughly translated into - yes I am really ill so HELP ME!!!

Anyway - last night when I was really bored, I decided to read the local paper and in it was the horoscope - Im not a big believer in horoscopes I have to say but this one said

"A cheque or bonus that you were promised weeks ago could come through at last". Well, Ive been owed fifty quid for two weeks by someone and thought I wasnt going to get it, so I thought to myself "I know - I'll test this horoscope business out - If I get my fifty quid tomorrow, I will believe it and I will take note of everything it says in the future"

SO - what happens this morning - I get an email from the company that owes me the money asking for bank details to transfer the fifty quid - FAN bloody TASTIC I thought.

Im eagerly waiting for tonights paper so I can see what is in store for me tomorrow - after all I am now going to follow this horoscope very carefully because it's obviously the one for me...here we go

"If you've been neglecting your body, go out and get some exercise. It is especially important to do this if you are depressed or unhappy. By getting your body moving, you will be keeping anxiety at bay. After exercise, you will feel better, you will treat other people better and you will also handle situations better too!"

I think my husband wrote it There is NO WAY that this is a Russell Grant horoscope - my husband has ordered this paper with this horoscope especially for me because he knows how I hate exercise.

He knows that I am unhappy at the moment, and that I have put on half a stone making me very dangerously close to ten stone - and if I tip the scales at ten stone then I am likely to be more depressed.

He also knows that I am popping the Adios Max pills like they have gone out of business and that I have just been to Holland and Barratt for some Green Tea Diet pills whilst popping into the spar shop secretly buying big bags of Cadburys Mini Eggs/Revels/Dairy Milk to comfort myself because I feel unhappy that the Adios pills dont work and my boobs are getting bigger and bigger by the day!

I am sick of him telling me that healthy food and exercise is the answer when all I want to do is eat crap and I have eaten crap for the last six months.

He also knows that I am entered for race for life on 17th May and at the moment I cant even run round the block without stopping - and HE yes HE willb e embarrassed if I walk round! How many thousands of women walk round each year?!! Just cos he can easily run a 10k and is now training for his next challenge - a half marathon. Just because he goes training twice a week and comes back sweating and knackered but has loved it.

Look - I know that he means well, and I know that he is right in lots of ways. I'm 45 now and im no spring chicken - I should look after my body a bit more and be healthy - not everything is about being thin (to me it is !!)

But - re writing the horoscope is just not on - it was a mean trick and when he gets in I will have something to say about it - particularly as he must have spent one hell of a lot of money we havent got just to get that special edition printed.


From now on - I am never reading that horoscope again.

Oh no - tomorrow's Monday

I've grown to hate Sundays. You have the idea that it could be a wonderful family time. But very often it ends up exactly the opposite. As a working Mum Sundays are the day when uniform has to be washed, ironed, work clothes washed and ironed, food shopping done, house sorted, homework finished - all preparations for the week ahead.

When I see people wandering along the street with their children running happily alongside, or riding tehir bike or scooter , I feel a hatred come up inside me - why them? Who is doing their washing and ironing I wonder?

Today is worse, because I also have a feeling of dread. You know I have had Man Flu this week? Well, now my son has got it too. There is no way that he will be fit for school tomorrow.

So I have the dreaded phone call to make - I've just had a week of sick and I have to phone my boss to say I will probably need all next week off too because now my son is ill.

Working Mums go through such a lot. I am more worried about phoning in tomorrow morning than I am about my son being sick - and thats not good - that's an awful way to be....but it's how it is. And I am sure that there will be hundreds of Mums all over the country going through the same as me.

The woman I have to ring is an ogre at the best of times. Her children are grown up so there are no more sports days, nativity plays or chickenpox for her. But for those of us that are - it is a problem.

Working Mums work because they need the money - my workplace allows five days off with a child as paid - anything after that is unpaid -not many of us can afford this. So you end up bundling you child off to school when you know that they are not well.


The times I have wrapped my son up, coughing and spluttering and said "Now - if you feel poorly when you get to school, tell the teacher and they can send you home"

I sit at work waiting for the phone call and no-one phones. But if they do phone it is a relief - you want so much to be with your child but the ogre of a boss is standing in your way - even she cant complain when the school phones.

Aha - I have a plan.

Tomorrow morning I will take my son to my friends house and leave him there while I go to work for an hour - she can ring up and pretend to be the school - I will go and fetch him - what do you think of that then!!

Less guilt - I hope so - Im going to try it.............watch this space

OMG - I AM OFFICIALLY OLD!!!

Well, today I have had a real shock in the post! I had the results of a blood test which tell me that I am officially old!

I have been suspecting it for some time, but now I can see that is true.

I am at the start of the menopause - the perimenopause or whatever the technical term is for it!!

I've been thinking for ages that I've been

a) going barmy
b) got a brain tumour
c) got a heart deffect
d) pregnant (have spent about £25 on pregnancy tests in the last six months, wondering how I am going to break the news to my husband who had a vasectomy three years ago!!)


I have had horrendous mood swings - I can be high as a kite enjoying life one minute - then right back down in the doldrums the next. I find myself snapping at my son for stupid things - he lost a ruler the other day and I went into an hour long rant about how he should look after things properly, and when I was his age I had so few things I treasured everything - it was a plastic ruler for goodness sake - my rational self said - there are at least six more upstairs in the art drawer - why make such a big deal???

There are days when I have sat at work my computer in front o fme, not doing a thing - not being able to face anything.

People have come into my office to ask me to do something and as soon as they have walked out of the door , I have stood there sticking my fingers up and mouthing "f*** off ", like some deranged idiot!!!

And the headache! It is always there pounding away inside of me. Nurofen wont touch it, so I have to pinch the dihydrocodeine my husband has for his bad back - I lie there completely zonked out for hours but at least the pain has gone. I start to se eprogrammes on TV all the time about people who have got brain tumours and how awful it is. Buy real life magazines and read about a dying womans last days - and then the palpitations start....so I'm convinced.

I was out for Sunday lunch in a pub at the seaside last week and I had the most awful palpitations and a panic attack. This is it I thought to myself - at least I'm going out in style with some decent roast potatoes inside me!

The whole thing was driving me crazy! I started to worry what my husband would think when Id gone and he received my credit card bills, started looking at life insurance - if I was going to die at 45, I needed to make sure that my family had enough money to live on.

I made more of an effort to be nice to people - after all if I was going to my maker I wanted to be in the good end not the bad end!

Finally on Monday I went to see the doctor who presented me with a leaflet about the menopause and sent me for blood tests.

As I read the symptoms, I realised that, thankfully, it was unlikely that I had a brain tumour. And the letter this morning confirmed it. I am at the beginning of my "change" - the term used by 50 and 60 year old women - something which I am going to "change" - we need to find a new way of describing it and quick.

So - as I sit here with my cup of tea and my slippers and my cardigan (I'm allowed to wear slippers and cardigan now because Im old), I see my young life flash before me.

Im coming to terms with the fact that I will no longer be capable of carrying a child, my libido may become low and my headaches worse. My life as I know it will disappear before my very own eyes.............I feel sad and strange...I feel like I am at the beginning of the end - life is downhill from here.


Then - my husband and my eight year old son burst through the door - my son jumps on me and hugs me like no-ones business and my husband says "I feel like a drink - glass of wine love?"

And I realise that nothing has changed.................I'm so glad it wasnt a brain tumour....and at least now I have an excuse not to have sex!!!!

Chef cleared of rape

I have been following the story of Peter Bacon, the student accused of raping a 45 year old woman who claimed she was too drunk to have consented to sex.

I am 45 and I felt grave concern when I was reading it. Sometimes, when I go out with the girls, or indeed with my husband and friends, I like to have a bit of a drink. So perhaps I , too, could be described as a "recreational binge drinker" I also suffer from memory blanks - worrying I know, but it only happens from time to time and it happens to lots of my friends too - it's not every weekend and probably not even once every six months, but it can happen.

Take for example, the night out with the school Mums when I snogged one of the other Mums and her husband took a photo of us. I was mortified!!! I had no recollection of it whatsoever!!! It took the photo to bring the whole sorry affair back to the forefront of my mind - THEN, and only then, could I remember it and the events which led to us being in that situation.

I know that if I went out and had a few drinks at the time of the event I would know exactly what was happening to me. I know that if I had sex with my husband when we got in from a drinking binge that I would enjoy it and we would both be up for it - whether I remember the ins and outs of it the next day is another matter - sounds awful from a responsible working mother of an eight year old, but ask any 45 year old women who still have a life and you will probably find quite a few with the same view.

Therefore, I do wonder if this woman that accused the boy of rape was fair in doing so. If she couldnt remember whether she had sex or not, should she have even started the proceedings?

If she claims that she was too drunk to have said yes to sex perhaps she should be more honest with herself - I bet , like most women, there have been times when she was drunk that she has turned into an adventurous sex goddess with inhibitions thrown to the wind - I know I do!

Me and my girlfriends laugh - when we are drunk we either get into bed and crash out snoring with bits of clothes still on, the rest in a pile by the side of the bed and full make up on, waking up in the morning with foul breath and remnants of red wine still round your mouth......or you turn into a sexy animal and the Ann Summers supplies come out for an airing from the drawers underneath the bed!!!

I am not suggesting that every 45 year old woman is like this, nor that the law should be changed. I am not suggesting that men should be allowed to get you drunk and rape you.

But - we have to be very careful about situations that we get ourselves in after a few glasses of sparkly Beringer - and we must never , never drag innocent people down because we can't remember the night before.

MAN FLU

Today Frazzledmum has Man Flu!

I have been ill all week. It started with a headache over the weekend and very bad on Monday - I went to the doctor who told me it was just a virus but gave me painkillers.
Tuesday the sore throat came - I started to feel sorry for myself. I was awake every hour on the hour during the night and then Wednesday the sickness came. If I was not throwing up , I was heaving. Great

Thursday I went back to the doctor - still a virus - I should have just stayed in bed. Now I was coughing and sneezing and my nose was red raw with blowing and there were remnants of tissue under every pillow and cushion in the house.

Today , after coughing all night my head is killing. I am off work and feeling guilty but I have a busy job and I couldnt cope with it feeling like this.

BUT

What else have I done this week - I have taken my son to school every day, done homework with him and taken him to all his activities - even though it is the last thing I have felt like.

I couldnt go out, so I did an internet food shop and made tea for son and husband every night.

I sorted out a friends birthday present and sent cards which needed going out, dealt with bills - thank goodness for a laptop and the internet so I could do it from my bed.

I have ironed all the school and work clothes for next week and the washing basket is empty. Each time I have done something, I have had to sit down afterwards and have a rest because it has worn me out - quite pathetic - Im cross with myself for being ill. Now I know what Man Flu is like - I thought to myself...and then I recalled the last time my husband had a little sniffle.

He took to his bed for a week and I waited on him hand and foot - he would even text me from upstairs if he wanted anything! And one of his "mates" bought him a little bell so that he could just ring when he needed me !

This week when I am (of course) much sicker than he was - I havent had one bit of help from him with anything! He has moaned because I look a state and because I wasnt up for a "bit of loving" the other night!!

Incredible!


So I dont have Man Flu - which according to the Urban dictionary is "The condition shared by all males wherein a common illness (usually a mild cold) is presented by the patient as life-threatening.

This is also known as 'Fishing for Sympathy' or 'Chronic Exaggeration'.

When the patient is your boyfriend, he will exhibit the standard symptoms (such as an overwhelming desire for compassion) while simultaneously rejecting any and all efforts you make to placate him."


I have Woman Flu - "The condition shared by all females where a common illness (usually a very bad cold, cough, sore throat and sickness )
is suffered in silence while the woman continues with her normal everyday duties, such as washing, cooking, shopping and running round after the children, while receiving no support from her husband who assumes because she is carrying on as normal , she can't be feeling that ill!!!"


Does that some it up everyone?!

Adverts for Abortion and Condoms

So the powers that be are considering adverts for condoms and abortion to be acceptable in the middle of programmes such as Coronation Street and X Factor. Why?

Yes - I agree that teenage pregnancy rate is high and something needs to be done about awareness - but what about younger children?

With clothes for eight year old girls looking like a prostitutes outfit, six year olds with mobile phones and four year olds wearing make up - why cant children be allowed to be children anymore??

When I was a young girl, I was still playing with my dolls at the age of twelve, not considering my first sexual experience - the first time someone tried to snog me I ducked under his arm I was so scared!!!

I NEVER spoke to my Mum about anything important - we talked but if my parents had something to discuss they would never discuss it over dinner, or in the car as me and my husband do now.

We are much more open with our children than my Mum and Dad ever were with me. And Im not convinced that is a good thing either.

My son knows more about our credit card bills than his Dad does - he knows that Mummy is worrying about the menopause - Im talking to my friend about it a nd I forget that he has sonic ears. I know that I need to be more careful.

But these adverts are getting worse and worse.

The other day we were following a bus that had an advert raising awareness of chlamydia on it - I sat there cringing just knowing what was coming next.

Sure enough - the question - "Mummy - what is Chlamydia"

I skirted around it and in the end said that it was a type of illness but not one that he had to worry about, it was for adults.

"Oh - like the menopause and periods then?!!!"


See - this is what these adverts will lead to. Children will know about condoms and abortion before they know how babies are made.

And I, for one, am not comfortable with it.

The perils of Facebook - do you love it - or hate it?

THE WONDERS AND THE PERILS OF FACEBOOK.

About twelve months ago, I read an article about Second Life – a website where people created virtual images for themselves and were having affairs and leading glamorous lifestyles - far removed from their ordinary lives. I was shocked to read the devastating effects it was having on families and didn’t even log on to have a look.

For at the time I was going through my Facebook obsession – as were many of my friends and colleagues. Logging on excitedly to see who had added you as a friend, or who was the latest person to have “poked” you!

Twelve months on though, having seen lots of breakups and separations announced on Facebook, lots of family occasions marked that perhaps should be more private – and experiencing a girl stalking my husband incessantly, as well as a part of my life coming back to haunt me that disappeared long ago – I am about to delete my Facebook account, along with dozens of my friends.

It starts innocently enough – you set up an account and your friends add you. People you work with, people you see in the pub.

I enjoyed it – I was never much one for the games and applications but it was fun to see what your friends were up to – when one friend went to Australia for a month, it was good to keep up with what she was doing and seeing photos of what she had done the day before, rather than talking about it with her for hours afterwards – but that’s just it – because I knew what she’d been doing, and because I’d seen all the photos – I still haven’t had that catch up – haven’t sat for hours talking about her experience and about meeting her granddaughter – because I was there with her – on Facebook – I thought that was a positive thing – I hadn’t missed her at all – but really it just shows how social networking can replace friendships.

Then my brother in law joined – all of a sudden I was worried what I was writing on walls , in case he spied on it and told my husband – not that I was doing anything wrong – it just felt intrusive that I could see who I was sending messages to and what they said. He also felt that he had to ask me if I’d noticed his ex fiancé was on there – I hadn’t, but once I knew I found myself checking if he was talking to her or not.

A friend started having roses sent to her by a bloke that wasn’t her husband – when I asked her who Adam was, she went bright red and said “How do you know?” – Facebook can be a dangerous place.

Soon you notice that many of the applications lead to dating elements of the site and tell you that seven people have crushes on you – whats all that about – Im happily married to my husband and have been for fourteen years thank you – but other people can be tempted by this and add friend they don’t know start chatting and suddenly you read “Jenny and Phil have ended their relationship”

I became obsessed with looking for “friends” – I sat for hours at night skimming through lists of friends and adding them as my own.

Why? I hadn’t even given these people a second thought for years but this computer application was turning my life upside down – I’m a nosey person but it was bringing out an obsession with the past and with other people’s lives that could become unhealthy.

But when I had first hand experience of the devastating effect that Facebook could start was when I really started to look into it.

My husband joined but didn’t check his profile regularly – so he says – then someone added him as a friend and he asked me to show him what to do. When we got onto his profile there were several messages from a girl he used to work with and some comments on his wall :

“Hey Love Machine, when we going to get together”

“Hey there – why haven’t you met up with me yet – when we going out”.

This girl was openly and relentlessly pursuing my husband online – I was hurt and felt cheated on.

She had always been flirtatious with my husband and offhand with me – we all know the type. It caused problems in our relationship – I felt that for her to feel that she could do that, she must have felt close to my husband – he denied all knowledge, but under threat, I doubted his integrity.

I also felt foolish – all those people I knew who were on both our Facebook accounts could see what she was up to – and no-one had thought to tell me, but I could imagine lots of conversations going on between friends.

It was a tough time – and it opened my eyes to the negatives of Facebook.

A sister of my friend has lost two babies – she put the anniversary of one of the deaths as her Facebook status – such a private moment – why would you do that?

Someones mother died – she wrote “Charlotte is feeling very sad – RIP Mum” – another private moment. Why share it with the world in such a brutal way?

And for me – a “friend” added from my past – now married to my ex – the curiosity overcame me and I accepted her. She took me back to a time which I really didn’t want to remember. A time when I was so in love with her now husband that I was prepared to take an attempt on my own life to keep him – and she knew that. She kept sending me messages, telling me about all the people I knew when I lived there and what they were doing. She added happily family photos of her, and my ex and their children – I didn’t want to know it, I didn’t need to know it – but Facebook had made me confront it again – I had dealt with it and put it away years ago – how dare she bring it all back. I needn’t have accepted her , I know – but just by popping up in my inbox, that name had forced me to think about my past.

So then I started to consider deleting my account and as I talked about it I realised how many more people were doing the same.

A colleague deleted his account the other day because a girl from school had contacted him and had tried to rekindle a relationship from years ago – one that was doomed for failure then and he didn’t want to be stalked by her or for her to know everything he was doing and where she might bump into him.

A woman on the school playground has deleted her account because she put on for everyone to see that she was having a boob job – only to find that her employer could see it and so did her next door neighbours and everyone was making comments about her and making rude jokes – she was gutted.

Employers are another thing – I heard that someone who works for the same local authority as me has been disciplined because they put details of a meeting on their Facebook status.

Another employer I know has a Facebook “spy” – she has an account and is friends with people and feeds back to the bosses what is going on outside work that could affect this persons job – off sick with a migraine but playing quizzes on Facebook – not the done thing.

And the new layout of Facebook makes it even worse – if you don’t click the privacy setting, something you write on a “friends” wall, could be distributed to your friends, their friends, friends of friends………………..

I will be sad not be in touch with some people – there are friends I have been in touch with who it has been fun to catch up with and chat to. It’s also been lovely to see photographs of their families and learn what has happened to them over the years.

But if I really wanted to be back in touch with them – I could have found them anyway - I could have visited them and seen their children – written them a letter and told them about my life – I don’t need Facebook to help me do that – I can create my own happy times – and if I delete my Facebook page, I may miss the fact that the bloke from school that I fancied so much is eating a fish finger sandwich – but I will never have to be unexpectedly confronted with demons from the past.

Kate Thompson

March 2009