Horoscopes- do you believe?

So - today I find out that my Man Flu -is actually acute bronchitis! Take great delight in telling Mr Frazzled and also waving my sicknote in front of his face - b r o n c h i t i s - roughly translated into - yes I am really ill so HELP ME!!!

Anyway - last night when I was really bored, I decided to read the local paper and in it was the horoscope - Im not a big believer in horoscopes I have to say but this one said

"A cheque or bonus that you were promised weeks ago could come through at last". Well, Ive been owed fifty quid for two weeks by someone and thought I wasnt going to get it, so I thought to myself "I know - I'll test this horoscope business out - If I get my fifty quid tomorrow, I will believe it and I will take note of everything it says in the future"

SO - what happens this morning - I get an email from the company that owes me the money asking for bank details to transfer the fifty quid - FAN bloody TASTIC I thought.

Im eagerly waiting for tonights paper so I can see what is in store for me tomorrow - after all I am now going to follow this horoscope very carefully because it's obviously the one for me...here we go

"If you've been neglecting your body, go out and get some exercise. It is especially important to do this if you are depressed or unhappy. By getting your body moving, you will be keeping anxiety at bay. After exercise, you will feel better, you will treat other people better and you will also handle situations better too!"

I think my husband wrote it There is NO WAY that this is a Russell Grant horoscope - my husband has ordered this paper with this horoscope especially for me because he knows how I hate exercise.

He knows that I am unhappy at the moment, and that I have put on half a stone making me very dangerously close to ten stone - and if I tip the scales at ten stone then I am likely to be more depressed.

He also knows that I am popping the Adios Max pills like they have gone out of business and that I have just been to Holland and Barratt for some Green Tea Diet pills whilst popping into the spar shop secretly buying big bags of Cadburys Mini Eggs/Revels/Dairy Milk to comfort myself because I feel unhappy that the Adios pills dont work and my boobs are getting bigger and bigger by the day!

I am sick of him telling me that healthy food and exercise is the answer when all I want to do is eat crap and I have eaten crap for the last six months.

He also knows that I am entered for race for life on 17th May and at the moment I cant even run round the block without stopping - and HE yes HE willb e embarrassed if I walk round! How many thousands of women walk round each year?!! Just cos he can easily run a 10k and is now training for his next challenge - a half marathon. Just because he goes training twice a week and comes back sweating and knackered but has loved it.

Look - I know that he means well, and I know that he is right in lots of ways. I'm 45 now and im no spring chicken - I should look after my body a bit more and be healthy - not everything is about being thin (to me it is !!)

But - re writing the horoscope is just not on - it was a mean trick and when he gets in I will have something to say about it - particularly as he must have spent one hell of a lot of money we havent got just to get that special edition printed.


From now on - I am never reading that horoscope again.