OMG - I AM OFFICIALLY OLD!!!

Well, today I have had a real shock in the post! I had the results of a blood test which tell me that I am officially old!

I have been suspecting it for some time, but now I can see that is true.

I am at the start of the menopause - the perimenopause or whatever the technical term is for it!!

I've been thinking for ages that I've been

a) going barmy
b) got a brain tumour
c) got a heart deffect
d) pregnant (have spent about £25 on pregnancy tests in the last six months, wondering how I am going to break the news to my husband who had a vasectomy three years ago!!)


I have had horrendous mood swings - I can be high as a kite enjoying life one minute - then right back down in the doldrums the next. I find myself snapping at my son for stupid things - he lost a ruler the other day and I went into an hour long rant about how he should look after things properly, and when I was his age I had so few things I treasured everything - it was a plastic ruler for goodness sake - my rational self said - there are at least six more upstairs in the art drawer - why make such a big deal???

There are days when I have sat at work my computer in front o fme, not doing a thing - not being able to face anything.

People have come into my office to ask me to do something and as soon as they have walked out of the door , I have stood there sticking my fingers up and mouthing "f*** off ", like some deranged idiot!!!

And the headache! It is always there pounding away inside of me. Nurofen wont touch it, so I have to pinch the dihydrocodeine my husband has for his bad back - I lie there completely zonked out for hours but at least the pain has gone. I start to se eprogrammes on TV all the time about people who have got brain tumours and how awful it is. Buy real life magazines and read about a dying womans last days - and then the palpitations start....so I'm convinced.

I was out for Sunday lunch in a pub at the seaside last week and I had the most awful palpitations and a panic attack. This is it I thought to myself - at least I'm going out in style with some decent roast potatoes inside me!

The whole thing was driving me crazy! I started to worry what my husband would think when Id gone and he received my credit card bills, started looking at life insurance - if I was going to die at 45, I needed to make sure that my family had enough money to live on.

I made more of an effort to be nice to people - after all if I was going to my maker I wanted to be in the good end not the bad end!

Finally on Monday I went to see the doctor who presented me with a leaflet about the menopause and sent me for blood tests.

As I read the symptoms, I realised that, thankfully, it was unlikely that I had a brain tumour. And the letter this morning confirmed it. I am at the beginning of my "change" - the term used by 50 and 60 year old women - something which I am going to "change" - we need to find a new way of describing it and quick.

So - as I sit here with my cup of tea and my slippers and my cardigan (I'm allowed to wear slippers and cardigan now because Im old), I see my young life flash before me.

Im coming to terms with the fact that I will no longer be capable of carrying a child, my libido may become low and my headaches worse. My life as I know it will disappear before my very own eyes.............I feel sad and strange...I feel like I am at the beginning of the end - life is downhill from here.


Then - my husband and my eight year old son burst through the door - my son jumps on me and hugs me like no-ones business and my husband says "I feel like a drink - glass of wine love?"

And I realise that nothing has changed.................I'm so glad it wasnt a brain tumour....and at least now I have an excuse not to have sex!!!!